Yesterday I decided to tap into my masochistic side and go ice skating. I've been going to a few hockey games recently and all the men on the ice look so graceful. I want to try this too! I want to skate like they do!
We have the RDV Ice Den nearby that offers public ice skating every day so I figured why not? What could go wrong? Let's not talk about the fact that I have terrible balance, terrible feet and only ice skated once in my life. This should be fun!
I had brunch with my girlfriend who is consistently late. Our scheduled time to meet was noon but she didn't show up until 12:30pm. I pretty much knew that was going to happen. We had a good lunch and then headed off for RDV.
I had every confidence in the world that I was going to be able to successfully ice skate. There wasn't any doubt in my mind that I was going to be awesome and I was excited. We paid for the skating and picked up the rentals. The skates were well used and smelled of wet leather. Okay, I can get past this.
The night before a fellow patron at Saltwater Brewery told me the trick to ice skating is to make sure your skates are laced up good and tight. Okay, I thought. I'll try that.
I sat down, still believing this was going to be a great experience and laced up my skates. I laced those suckers so tight they squeezed my feet tighter than a boa constrictor choking his prey.
Now comes the time to stand up. Ami and I looked at each other and tried to get the other to stand first, giggling at ourselves. I figured I'll go first since she was scared. Me scared? Na. Let's do this!
I stand.
Um. Okay. That's awkward. Why are my feet wiggling back and forth. All the other skaters look so...balanced. My feet feel weird trying to stand on this quarter inch (if that) blade. I can still do this. It won't be so bad.
Ami stands and she's wobbling just like I am. Again, we can still do this. If those 5-year-olds across from us are gliding around on their skates without any worries, we can do this too. We gradually walk over to the rink and make our way to the opening to the ice.
My confidence level is still an 8 out of 10. I'm pumped. Then I put one skate on the ice and it nearly flies out from under my hip. The ice doesn't look this...slippery when I'm watching hockey. And why do I not see everyone else's skates slipping around like mine just did?
Maybe it's just this one spot. I'll get out on the ice with both feet and make my way around the rink. It can't be this slippery all around.
Here we go. Holding onto the wall I put both feet on the ice. My feet are still slipping around. I can't keep my balance. I grab the wall tighter and lean forward. What is going on???
I then think back to my middle school science class and realize I am standing on what's known as a 'quasi-fluid layer' of water that lubricates the surface of the ice and makes it slippery. At some Un-Godly cold temperature this layer is only one molecule thick but warm the ice and it increases, therefore increasing the lubrication. There must be dozens of these layers on the ice! People have been skating for almost a half an hour since the free skate session began!
Great. My confidence level has just dropped from 8 out of 10 to 5. I think I can still do this. I'm going for it.
Gripping the wall as tightly as I possibly can, I maneuver my way out a little further along the edge of the rink pulling myself along with the wall. Oh crap! There's someone in front of me. I can't let go of the wall but this mom and her child are NOT moving. The wall is my safety line. If I let go, I'll fall on my ass. If I fall on my ass, I may not get back up.
Deep breathes.
I do my best to skate away from the wall, bobbing my upper body as I go, and then back to the wall again. My safe zone. Oh, wall how I love thee at this moment. You are my rock. Do not let me down, literally.
I finally finish a lap around the rink. I feel like Rocky running the stairs in the movie. Can I do a second turn around the rink? Hell, I can't even let go of the wall? Who am I kidding? No.
Confidence level has just dropped to -5.
Ami's behind me. She looks great. Sure she's holding onto the wall but she has better balance than I do. She's able to stand up while I look like a 90-year-old man all hunched over from spinal degeneration.
I give up. I'm done. My feet hurt and these rentals are going to kill me. It's the skates. It must be the skates. There are five-year-old children here skating like they were born wearing ice skates. I'm smarter and stronger than they are! If they can do it, why not me? I just need a good pair of skates and I'm coming back for... more torture.
At this point I resigned myself that I will have to buy my own skates and come back. Then I'll be able to skate like Tanya Harding with my fancy, brand-new skates!
One positive note about this adventure: I didn't fall on my ass!
I let Ami finish up the skate session and by the end she was whizzing around like a fairly decent skater. We'll come back in a couple weeks and I'll prove to myself that I am an ice skater!
Confidence level: 12
No comments:
Post a Comment