Communication and Random Thoughts

While I enjoy daylight savings time, I hate the time change.  I’m sure it messes me up just as much as the rest of you.  This week I haven’t wanted to get out of bed and I’ve been late for work every day.  Luckily my job doesn’t have a formal attendance policy and I can come and go as I need as long as I am at work roughly between 7am and 4pm.  It’s nice to have this casual atmosphere and helps make me a more productive employee to not have a boss breathing down my neck.

Lately I’ve been trying to be sure I take a more formal approach with my language and etiquette when speaking to Dominants as it worries me when I appear disrespectful.  Some of the conversations I have had recently have sparked my desire to be a better submissive and reminded me of what type of relationship I wish to have with a Dominant.  I have a tendency to lose formality with a Dominant-type as I get to know him and it bothers me.  I get comfortable, even with friendship, and I forget my submissive role.

Moving on to more thoughts…

Some of you may wonder, why D/s?  I need structure in my life.  I do not handle ambiguity well.  If the situation is not clearly black and white, I struggle and it weighs me down emotionally.  In a D/s relationship, or at least the type I am looking for, there are clear cut rules and protocols to follow.  This helps me stay focused on the relationship and communicate better with my Dominant.  It’s not all about the kink.  Yes, I love the kinky part of the BDSM but I separate that in my head and compartmentalize it.  My thoughts are the relationship isn’t all about sex or SM, and sex/SM doesn’t make the relationship.

I had the vanilla relationship and there was no clear cut role between the two of us.  This caused communication to break down and the relationship to follow.  There cannot be uncertainty as this creates a rift between the individuals.  I am a very communicative person.  I am not shy with my feelings, thoughts, or desires.  Some men, and even women, in the vanilla world are incapable of properly communicating or understanding why it is so important.  These types of people have a challenging time with comprehending my need to communicate and therefore it doesn’t work.

Communication is a two-way street.  I want to be able to exchange my thoughts and desires with my Dominant at an intellectual level and I want him to communicate right back with me.  Yes, I know men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  We have two completely different communication styles.  However, in this lifestyle emphasis is placed on communication to make healthy, long lasting relationships.  In the vanilla world, it’s almost as if communication is a secondary attribute and not as important for success.  Why is this?

Chivalry

This morning I read a blog that had a profound impact on me.  It discussed Chivalry and that many men, and women alike, find that chivalry is out of style.  Please take a moment and read it yourself:

http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/01/13/chivalry-is-out-of-style/

The article made a few good points about chivalry.  First, what is chivalry?  Well, chivalry provides a sort of code of conduct for gentlemanly behavior.  It’s a male code of conduct of sorts.  Of course this is no longer the medieval times and chivalry has had to evolve, but it still has an influence and basic tenants for male behavior toward women.

Today, chivalry is about certain ethical standards that foster the development of manhood which include truth, loyalty, courteousness to others, helping women, defenders of the weak, and supporters of justice.  It’s not just about pleasantries and being polite.  Chivalry is about knowing the man is stronger and understanding his strength and supporting role in society.

Authors Note:  I’m writing this article from the female perspective and not necessarily as a weak person that needs defended.

Just like the author wrote, chivalry is not about the subjugation of women or being dominant.  To subjugate women and be dominant just because you are physically able to do so is domineering, and that is not being honorable.  As much as every feminist wants to argue, women are not equal with men.  We are physically the weaker sex and mothers to the next generation. We, as women, are meant to be meek.  We should be humble, righteous, and patient.  It doesn’t necessarily mean be submissive to men, but we should respect the differences between our genders. 

Men should be using their strength to honor and protect women.  Being chivalrous shows women that they are not going to be hurt, but rather protected.  Both sides show humility and service to each other.  It’s a full circle between men and women being in service to one another.  Women service men in supportive roles and men service woman as their protectors and guardians in return.

These beliefs are taken for granted and lost in our generation.  Apathy has taken hold and men have become lazy and self-centered.  It’s no wonder this occurred since the feministic movement of our previous generations taught men that we should be treated as equals.  Both sides of the spectrum, men and women, have forgotten the values of chivalry and we have done a very poor job of passing down this belief system.  Parents no longer teach their boys what it means to be chivalrous and girls are taught to be equals among men.  We have fallen out of practice to be decent to one another and society is suffering

Ladies, when a man holds a door open for you or offers to carry your bags, he’s most likely trying to be humble and caring and showing valor.  He’s not always out to get into your skirt.  Men, practice chivalry whenever you can and be truthful, honorable participants in society.  Don’t be douchebags, but that also goes for women too.  It’s not that hard.  Feminism had an important role in the development of our society but it is now time to accept that we have taken it a little too far.