Weekend Recap Part 2

Sunday I woke up very early - I just couldn't sleep past 6am.  The night before I went grocery shopping and bought the ingredients to make pumpkin pancakes.  It is fall after all.  The twist is that I am making these pancakes healthy.  Instead of processed white flour I am using unbleached whole grain flour.  I also bought turkey bacon to go with the pancakes.  I’m not a big fan of bacon, especially turkey bacon, but I wanted a healthy protein for my breakfast.

Pumpkin Pancakes Per Serving:

214 Calories

41 Carbs

2g Fat

10g Protein

350mg Sodium

3g Sugar

I felt pretty good with my breakfast.  It was still pretty early when I finished breakfast.  My head was filled with pressure and I was still very emotional from being in a down swing so I decided rather than feel sad for myself that I would try to get some exercise in the hopes it would make me feel better.  I did my normal 20 minutes (still working on endurance) on the elliptical but I just didn't feel like doing any strength training today and my mood was not changed.  As I got in the shower I was reminded again of my dad and I cried.  Maybe I'll make some cookies and visit a fire station this weekend.

The entire morning I just kept telling myself to not let myself get down and to keep moving.  I picked up peaches from the farmers market the day before with the intent of making jam so I figured I'll go get the supplies needed.  

The best place for canning supplies is Wal-Mart.  Oh how I loathe Wal-Mart.  I absolutely hate the store.  As I drive through the parking lot I am reminded why.  There are some very strange people that shop at Wal-Mart and most seem to be stupid idiots.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some very intelligent, nice people that shop at Wal-Mart.  However, it seems that when most people pull into the parking lot they lose their ability to think logically and with common sense.  Add on the parents with screaming, wandering children and I just cringe.

I successfully make it in and out of Wal-Mart with my canning supplies without a major incident.  It was a close call a few times but I managed to not get touched or yell at anyone.  I'm quite proud of myself.  

I venture on to Publix and pick up items for lunch.  Staying on the path to weight loss, I picked up whole grain Rye, lettuce and tomato.  I figured I'll make a BLT with the turkey bacon I have at home.  I also picked up some veggie chips from the farmers market to go with my yummy sandwich.

BLT on Toasted Rye with Dried Veggie Chips (Hellmans low-fat mayo)

312 Calories

32 Carbs

12g Fat

13g Protein

917mg Sodium

0 Sugar

I discovered while in the grocery store that whole grain rye has fewer calories and carbs then whole grain flour bread.  I silently did a little happy dance because I love me some rye bread!  This sandwich was so yummy.  I could have eaten a second one and been a happy girl.

I rested for a little while and then decided to make the jam.  Instead of regular jam, I wanted a healthy alternative so I found a recipe on Splenda's website for no-sugar added peach jam.  I've made many jams but I've never made a jam with Splenda before.  This was going to be a first.  Usually when making jam the amount of sugar added double's the volume of the fruit added.  Because I was adding just a 1/2 cup, it only made four half-pint jars.  I was a little disappointed but in the end it tasted phenomenal!  Of course I had to taste it with a slice of the yummy rye bread.  

No Sugar Added Peach Jam
Serving Size - 1 tablespoon
10 Calories
0g Fat
5mg Sodium
3g Carbs
1g Sugars

Overall the day was productive.  I like when my days are productive.  It helps normalize my moods and that is always a good thing.  I had a salmon filet and roasted brussel sprouts for dinner.  I finished the night with a Skinny Cow Mint Ice Cream Sandwich and a movie.

Daily Total

1608 Calories

151 Carbs

69g Fat

95g Protein

2717mg Sodium (little high)

27g Sugar

I felt great at the end of my day.  I stayed moving and went to the gym, I ate healthy, and I finished the jam.  

Two weeks ago I purchased bath salts from Fresh Market.  I made up a mixture that was recommended in the store to help me sleep so I decided to try it.  WOW! It actually helped.  I made a mixture of spearmint, grapefruit and eucalyptus.  My skin felt incredible and my muscles seemed to melt under my skin.  I got in bed after my bath and I was OUT.  I usually wake several times in the night but last night I slept hard until 6am.  I woke feeling great.

Weekend Recap - Part 1

This weekend was emotionally rough for me with the first anniversary of my father’s death coming up on Oct. 5^th.  I’ve also been cycling up and down frequently for the past 2-3 months which is abnormal for me.  I have cyclothymia – a form of bipolar disorder.  For days I will cycle very low and experience profound depression.  When I come out of the depression cycle, I tend to be hypomanic (not hypermanic).

When I’m low, I can get really low.  During this low swing I will cry and have irrational thoughts while the world seems to be a bleak place for me.  I don’t want to talk to people and I usually pull away into my own little bubble.  It is very difficult to find my way out of these feelings and takes a few days for my neurochemistry to even out again.

The great part about having cyclothymia is before my neurochemistry has a chance to regulate itself I usually swing into a hypomanic mood first.  During this cycle I experience a euphoric state and can quickly become agitated.  Unlike when I am depressed I am talkative, confident and assertive.  I also appear to be flighty, have short-term memory problems and I change my mind often.  I am probably a little narcissistic too but I tend to keep that side of myself at bay.

Thankfully I am not an emotional eater.  In fact, I am the opposite.  When I am emotional, I am overly critical of myself and that includes my food intake.  I am working really hard to lose weight and I’ve lost 24 pounds in the last 10 weeks.  I feel great.  People around me tell me they can see the change – I cannot see it so much as feel it (especially in my clothes).

Friday my girlfriends and I went to a bar that was unveiling a new beer that was brewed with the collaboration of two breweries nearby.  It ended up being a dull night.  Rather than sticking to my diet I gave myself a reprieve and ate Chicago style pizza and a Greek salad.  It was good, but I regretted it the next day.  I tried not to beat myself up too bad considering weight loss is not about the short term but about the long haul.  It’s a marathon and not a sprint.  One day of eating badly is not going to derail me from my goal.

Saturday morning started out rough.  Before I explain Saturday it must be known that a person like me with cyclothymia does not handle ambiguity well.  We see things in black and white – not in shades of grey. 

Earlier in the week a friend sent me an e-mail stating he was going to take his dog to the farmers market and then the park.  Since he didn’t specifically ask me if I wanted to join him I replied back asking if he wanted company.  He replied sarcastically with “No, I just thought I’d tease you with it.”  Unfortunately, he doesn’t understand that I have difficulty with ambiguity.  I have trouble seeing the forest from the trees – well – more like trouble seeing the tree in the forest since I’m counting the leaves.  We agreed to meet at 8am but he didn’t specify where. 

So here I am driving to his place since I figured we would ride together.  Last week when we planned this same trip I was to meet at his place and we would ride together but his work plans got in the way.  At about a mile away from his place I get a text message from him that he’s early.  What?!?!?!?  I ask if he’s at the market and he was.  Well, crap!  So I text him that I’m running late (I didn’t want to admit that I misunderstood) and I’ll be there soon.  I turned around and made it to the farmers market about five minutes after 8am. 

At this point I’m frustrated.  Things are not starting off well for me this morning.  I have NOT had my coffee and I have not had food.  I am upset at myself for not understanding where we should meet and for getting my hopes up to spending the day with him.

We walk around the farmers market and pick up a few items.  Then we start walking toward his car.  In fear of being wrong again I stopped and asked where I am going.  Am I riding with him or should I be heading toward my own car?  That’s when he told me I could ride with him.  I finally admitted that I misunderstood his messages and went to his place first.  We glossed over the ambiguity issue.  This tells me we need to have a talk about communication.

The dog park was fun.  We walked around a bit and then sat on the bench watching his dog play in the lake.  I adore the affection he gives me.  He put his arm around me and caressed the skin under the sleeve of my shirt.  I sunk into his side and rested my head on his shoulder.  It always sends warm fuzzy feelings to my brain.  I never have to worry about upholding my end of a conversation with him.  I can be quiet and introverted all I want.  He doesn’t push me to talk, he just lets me be.

On the way back to my car the area around the market was crowded with cars and people walking.  I had asked my friend to let me out so that I could simply walk to my car.  He was being a gentleman and offered to drive me to my car.  While he was attempting to navigate the cars and the people, while listening to my directions, he missed a turn.  I have trouble in crowds and this started flaring my anxiety.  I was doing everything I could to maintain composure as I did not want to have a full-on anxiety attack in the car sitting next to him.  I asked again to let me walk but he was determined to drive me to my car.  By the time we made our way to my vehicle I was so flustered that I couldn’t think straight and nearly left my phone in his vehicle.  I just wanted out of there.

I left fairly upset with myself.  I wanted more time with him since he makes me feel good.  He is my “safe place”.  Unfortunately, he had to work so that was out of the question.  Not wanting to be alone I called up my best girlfriend.  Although the morning started off rough, we ended up having a great day together between shopping and an early dinner.  A little retail therapy and BFF support never hurts.